How To Win an Election

Say you're a seasoned politician. Democrat, Republican, it doesn't matter. You've made a career out of being an elected official and all the benefits that come with it. You know the playing fields, who to use and who to avoid, how to get what you want when you want it. You don't care much for new players in the game because they often are full of “ideals” and plans for “change.” You make sure they either play along with you or get squashed trying to do otherwise.

Then along comes a politician who seems, well... different. He doesn't want to play your game or the games any of your political friend's. He's not out to bilk the system for personal gains or even to further the cause of a corporation or two. He's truly out to help people other than himself.

He's Fighting for The Little Guy.

This irks you, but you've seen plenty of Kennedy wannabes in your day and figure he won't get far.

Instead, he wins.

BIG.

The Oval Office, Secret Service, Air Force One, the whole megillah.

Doesn't matter if he has great ideas or not, you know from years of experience that this...shouldn't...BE.

But the crowds love him.
His speeches make love to the English language.
His charisma is beyond reproach.

Inwardly and outwardly, you seethe. How to break him down, leave him to the dogs?



Simple: you do nothing.



Or, more specifically, you do nothing to help him. If he presents the Next Great Idea, you loudly shout it down as idiocy. If ninety nine out of a hundred economists love his financial plans, you find the one who doesn't and parade him around to every talk show that will give you air time. When he's good on foreign policy, deride his lack of focus on the nation's economy. When he builds the economy, complain how foreign relations are suffering. For every idea he presents, for every bill he endorses, you find ways to turn it inside out and use it against him. The truth is what you and the media make it: stretch it, twist it, bend it to your will and send it off to the masses. It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, just keep stonewalling and waiting.

Waiting for the chink in the armor.

Maybe his foreign policy didn't pan out. Maybe the economy didn't pick up as fast as predicted. Maybe a tiny portion of his Next Great Idea isn't all that great in practice. You've already had a hand in jamming the gears of any progress, now you strike at the lack of said progress. Point out the flaw, any flaw, scream from every media point at this Outrage and How You Can Do Better. Keep at it, because the Great Secret of America is this:



We're really fucking lazy.



We don't want to check that facts really are facts, that's what news stations are for. However, news stations, from the major networks to the lowliest of local teams, are in it for the ratings. They don't give a rat's ass if you believe them or not, they only care that you're sitting down to watch them. They'll lie just as much (if not more) than the politicians because it brings in viewers.

That's what makes this work. The longer you hammer home how bad a few parts of the Great Idea are (while overlooking any successes gained from it), the more people will believe you and join in your Outrage. Keep pounding this central idea home, then wait for the elections.

If you did your job right, political support for the Great Idea will falter. Politicians will gladly support you and your Outrage and get elected into office. The balance of power will shift back towards your side of the field. You'll happily crow about how he's “out of touch” and “can't make it work”, all the while knowing you were the one holding back any chance for real change.

But your salary is intact, your benefits (legal or otherwise) are still coming your way and you can appease your constituents with the idea that you've actually gone and done something good for them.

Once again, you've saved the day.



Although not for anyone except yourself.