"Durden" comma "Tyler"

My insomnia grows worse. I find myself up at all sorts of hours, working late or dealing with kids. I lost track of the days last week as workload piled up and fell over into days and nights and days again. Three hours of sleep here. A ten minute nap in the car. Been up since 3 this morning and it's a Sunday!

Serenity

SUNDAY, 10:30 PM: We just finished cleaning up from Junior's christening party when I started to itch. Not a mosquito bite itch or even a poison ivy itch, but that all over itch that says something's wrong. A flurry of prep to get me to the hospital (calling for neighbors to watch the house and kids, getting changed to go out, dosing up with Benadryl) all the while I can watch my skin turn red and burn with the urge to scratch and scratch and scratch.\

I sit in the ER waiting room and try to thumb through the Sunday ads with fingertips swollen like cooked sausages. When I tell them I can feel my tongue starting to puff up, I'm moved to the top of the list. Maybe 20 minutes has passed since the first itch became noticeable. Vitals and a statement are taken, them I'm told to go across the hall to emergency care and wait to be called. The Benny D has kicked in but it the urge to scratch still comes in waves. I shudder like I have a high fever.

I'm given an IV line by the very same staff who saw this in me in October (cause: unknown). An adrenaline shot has my heart beating like a trip hammer while the IV Benadryl is trying to throw me into unconsciousness. Very awkward feeling. My moments of consciousness jump in fits and starts like the brief glimpse of a work light seen through a passing train. My wife waits patiently for what to do next and tells me she loves me. I return the phrase with a smile and drift off. She is told maybe 20 minutes more before I can go.

I vaguely remember being moved into the ER (emergency care closes at 11). I'm stuck in the hallway with little more than passing patient traffic to keep me company. A clock nearby tells me it's quickly approaching 2 AM and no one seems to even notice I want to find out what's happening to me. Finally a nurse takes vitals and finds everything to be in order. The red welts on my wrists and elbows are little more than faded splotches of color. A second nurse tells me they called the missus, but no one answered. A doctor has me sign some forms, hands me a few scrips and sets me free.

In not the most lucid of states, but I figure waking the wife and kids for what amounts to three blocks of driving at 2 AM is just ludicrous. So, armed with a fistful of discharge papers, my ID bracelet and little else, I make the walk home. The town is serenely beautiful at this hour. Sprinklers flood the lawn at the fire department. A lone car honks at me almost cheerily. Workers use a leaf blower to clean out the corners of a parking lot before the sweeper collects the detritus. I listen to the buzz of parking lot lamps and the raspy grind of katydids. The missus is less than enthused to see me after knowing what I did, but delighted to have me home at the same time.

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Saturday

Ah, the rarest and best of days. If Sunday found me in a fiery cataclysm watching my very life pass before me, that would have been OK.

Early wake up and made panetone french toast. Somehow we managed to migrate back into bed after eating our fill and more curious still the Little Wonder left us alone for the most part. Slept until nearly noon.

Lunch under a blanket tent in the living room. Daughter laying upon my expanding belly while watching massive cakes being built on Food Network. Heaven.

Ordered Mexican food for dinner.

Our total progress for the day: one (1) load of laundry.

Although there is a twinge of regret at missing out on a hundred other projects to be had, there are so few days where it's just cool to simply exist. The very Zen of the entire day reverberates heavily in my mind even now.

Word of the Day: Humantic

Humantic (adj.): Overly large, massive; a contraction of humongous and gigantic.

After seeing my wife's pregnant belly, the Little Wonder proclaimed, "My mommy's belly is humantic!"

Updates

Laboring under a head cold at the moment. I wouldn't go so far as to call it a vicious head cold, but respiration is so underrated when you don't have it in abundant quantities.

Ended up sleeping over at work last week one night. Legally bound to produce the document on time (no kidding). I had to leave early and had no means to return until after 10 PM. I handed off my work to various others, but everything seemed to blow up right after I left. Runouts on paper and toner, crashed computers, maps suddenly not printing or changing colors in mid-print, Murphy's Law in abundance. Fixed the bulk of it in short order (we're calling it the Jesus Factor), but one map had to be completely rebuilt. Printing took forever (large maps) and I finally hit the silk (read: concrete floor) with time for just three precious hours of sleep. Wake up, shower and attack another "must have" job. Fun.

Several of you have asked how things are progressing on the home front. We've had a slight breakthrough in that we're talking more and trying our best to make time to see each other. A babysitter would be such a blessing right now.

Brought in doughnuts today to celebrate my tenth anniversary at work.

Ten years.

Married here. Honeymooned here. Became a dad here. Twice. Drove through hurricanes and snowstorms to get here and home. Hard to even grasp all the time I spent here, the stories I was part of and the many more I heard about, the people I met, the jobs I worked on, places I went to, things I discovered, about myself, co-workers, management, and the world at large.

The cashier gently cupped her hand under mine while giving me back my change. I try not to ignore subtle bits of kindness like this.

It snowed today. On the first day of spring. I know we can have snows this late, but it's still unsettling on a base level.

The Missus and I have started talking again, tentatively and brimming with barely concealed stress and emotions. It will be a long walk back to where we were.